I will be someone’s wife… again…
Alright, alright, settle down… Yes, again, but it is not a commitment that I take lightly.
We got our marriage license the week before last…
My ex-husband married his new wife a couple days ago. Congrats to them! I got to see some pictures float by on Facebook. It looked lovely and they looked terribly happy – and I could NOT be more pleased with that. I wish them the very best, of course.
Now – it’s our turn. I have been counting down across all of social media (Shut up, I am a very excited ‘girl’, with emotions, and stuff – this is an exciting time and I am allowed to have a pass and be giddy.) and I do not even one bit feel guilty about it.
(That was SIXTY THREE days to go!)
(And this was FORTY THREE days to go! One of my favorite pictures of us… Time has virtually flown by.)
We were laying in bed the other morning and Drew rolled over and he said “We’re getting married soon!” and I was immediately transported back in time to a moment last Fall when we had started the conversation about wanting to be married and we were about to move in together as his home was fully “staged” and ready for listing. Last September we had been together just about seven months at the point where we were moving in together and selling his house. When you know, you know. Drew was the first relationship with any other human that I have had that did not give me pits in my stomach, or red flags – not once – not ever. Drew is the only relationship that I have ever had where I feel completely “at home” all of the time. He is also the only man that I have ever been with that makes it a point to show me that I am never “less than”. I have shared my deepest insecurities and my darkest moments with him. There have been times where I worried that he would tire of my stress response, since he is the first person in years that I felt like it was OK to be my true self around and actually expose that stress response or my incessant worrying and sometimes my own self-deprecating inner voice. But not once, not ever, did I question even in seven short months that all of the bad apples, and some that were not awful but that I did not see a future with, had led me to this good one. This one good apple.
Anyway, the memory… back to that… Drew had gotten up to make his bed for the last time in his old house, because that night would officially mark the transition into my tiny bachelorette pad until we could find a bigger house… I was laying sideways across the bed and he was wandering in the hallway brushing his teeth. The conversation was contextual, so don’t think that I randomly brought up getting married with no prior discussion, I may be a hopeless romantic but I damned well know better than to pull a rookie move like that with a man.
“Maybe we will get married in the Fall? That’s about a year or so from now.”
Him: “Yeah, that would be probably be ideal, give us more time to do it how we want to.”
“I don’t want to go too far into the Fall because I don’t want it to be cold or have there be any possibility of freezing rain or something ridiculous.”
I smiled a little bit to myself. I was finally in a relationship with someone where I did not have secret doubts about whether or not I would be happy with that person and was ignoring them. I was finally with someone who was actively choosing me every single day and there were not financial or other obligations between us before then that made it difficult to walk away. He’s not the clingy awkward type. He’s completely secure, and was totally fine with his independence before I showed up in his life-like “Haha, Sucker!” No, but really. He’s just not the weird clingy type so to recognize that he was still choosing me, when he didn’t have the personality type to do so even if he wasn’t sure it would work — meant that he was seeing ‘forever’ with me… which was something I am uncertain that I have ever truthfully had.
That afternoon, I started perusing the calendar looking for a weekend in “the Fall” to start blocking out, mentally, that we could get married.
“September is too close to my parents.” (Which was yesterday…) “And my Aunt and Uncle…” (Two weeks ago.) I thought to myself.
I looked at (what I thought was) 2015 and saw that October 4th fell on a Saturday… Wouldn’t that be perfect? Still close enough to the heat of the St. Louis summer – but just a touch closer to Fall without the blustery cold that methodically always begins on Halloween weekend for St. Louis. “Hmm.. 10-4. Oh! Like the truckers say! How funny! Drew would NEVER forget it then!” You know when you were a kid they taught you little sing-song things so you can imprint them more easily to memory? I was rolling with that.
…and I texted Drew excitedly.
Him: “In theory, it sounds like it could work!”
And two days passed and we were excited… we weren’t even formally ENGAGED (which happened the night before New Years Eve in a little A-frame in the Smoky Mountains) and we had already picked out the date that we ideally would like to get married. We were emotionally committed to a date on the calendar now. Kind of crazy to commit to something like that when we were just moving in together, which I view as a VERY big deal. I have two kids and I was not screwing around with anyone who was going to walk into our lives and not show them that we were a MAJOR commitment.
After three days of being very excited, I had to scroll ahead in my iPhone calendar to look at work holidays and that was when I saw it… I had been looking at 2014 the whole time… 10/4 was on a SUNDAY in 2015. Oh no! We were emotionally committed to a date already – Drew had even adopted the practice of walking around the house and smacking my behind and shouting “10-4 Good buddy! Over and out!” and my closer co-workers with whom I had shared this excitement had made jokes about “The Trucker’s Holiday!” ….Not that either of us are truckers… or have any connection to truckers… or use a HAM radio… OK, I digress – we were invested in this date and people were just going to have to take off Monday instead of taking off work on Friday to travel. And surely there were was no sing-song mnemonic that would aid in Drew remembering the date (he is awful with dates) if we decided to go with 10/3… I virtually had to train him to remember mine and his father’s birth dates by explaining that we are each others half birth date. (3/29 – 9/29), you get it.
After making this commitment to sticking with Sunday, October 4th we realized in the planning, and purchasing, process that getting married on a Sunday has saved us thousands and afforded us significant amounts of upgrades that we would have otherwise footed the bill for. Instead, we saved that money and are going on a super fantastic Jamaican honeymoon.
So, in just over 7 days… we will be married. 10/4 here we come. Over and out.