I’ve made it pretty clear in my new blog here that I am a college student. I am studying for my associates in business administration then onto transfer to another business college somewhere nearby for my bachelors at some point in time.

 I’ve got an information systems for business class this semester which is all, what they like to call, distance learning, which means it’s an online course that is self-paced. I like it a lot, sometimes it gets frustrating when I can’t just raise my hand and get an immediate answer to a question. I actually have to train myself on how to find the answers being resourceful. The business administration class meets one night a week for just shy of three hours. I started out the class with a bang and got a 90% on my first exam. Great! Second exam I had to recall information from four chapters and ended up with a C-. I was crushed. I was so psyched that my college experience would be so much different than my high school one, but I am fearing that my inability to understand directions and remember information is going to cost me dearly in maintaining a C average.  I can read you an entire chapter in a relatively reasonable period of time then not be able to answer questions about what I had just read, this is very frustrating for me. Difficult on so many levels it’s not even funny. On top of all this, I’m still a mom and a wife and I work full time as well.

So the scenario is something like this on nights when I’m at home doing homework… I’m getting Rhiannon into the tub and while she is splashing about I’m either sitting on the toilet seat with my IS 103 book spread open in my lap or standing up with it open on the sink trying to read it and then taking a break to wash her hair, dry her off, brush her teeth, and then ultimately sing to her, then return to the school work.

 I just fear for my time. I mean I have time to do it but I find myself getting so angry, mood swing angry, with myself for being unable to remember this information. I read it, re-read it, took notes on it and I still can’t answer questions about it. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know if it is a short term memory defect or what… but I’m terrified of finals already and its barely mid-semester.

 I dont know what I’m going to do when I get into my foundation courses.

I guess you could say I’ve got quite a bit on my plate right now and a smidgeon to be stressed about.. I just need to spend some time and focus over the next few days or else I’m really going to be crying.

I have to remind myself over and over why I do this.

I do this for my family. I do this for my family. I do this for my family….

…and for the other subconcious survival instincts reason that if I were even to end up without my husband as a partner that may deduct from my income or my possessions whatever the case may be, but nobody can ever take away my education and I can always use it no matter what position my life is in.

….and oh yeah, the money. I want to be able to do things other people without education can’t do. I want to put my family in a safe (theres that cautious Alyssa again) and stable place and this is just one of the ways I plan on doing it, getting a degree in a field that is safe (fuck, there it is again) and abundant and versatile enough to find a job just about anywhere..

Here I go to retire to the dungeon, the basement, and crack open the MSOffice 2007 and hammer out a few Excel, Access and Powerpoint presentations…

Then it will be slumber my dears.   Shit, I have to shower somewhere in there too.


2 thoughts on “Overload.

  1. Hi,

    thanks for stopping by my blog, it always feels good when people read and have inputs since I’m only one of billions of people putting my mind and heart on the line here on the internet as a blogger. Every input and thought about what I write here is valued.

    You have a nice blog here as well 🙂
    take care,

  2. I can’t imagine how you do it all. I dated my husband during my last 1 1/2 years of college, and he had kids already. I only worked part time, about 30 hours per week, but it was so difficult finding time for everything and everyone.

    It will be worth it when you get that degree though. Good luck!

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