I am sitting on the ground next to a lake and me and this man I’ve never seen before in my non-dream life, he looks to be about 23-26ish, are leaned back on our elbows sitting rather closely to each other, the sky is the deepest color of navy blue and the stars are out and every single one of them is twinkling, like some sort of cartoon at night scene. I am wearing khaki shorts and a long sleeve sweater with a pair of birkenstocks on my feet. He is wearing a pair of khaki pants and a shirt with horizontal stripes in black and the shirt is blue. (My friends find it hilarious that I have some sort of weird peave about horizontal stripes in the workplace, so I’m sure they will find the above entertaining.) He leans over and tells me that he wants me to come “sit” with him at his house, and I agree without hesitation. The next moment I am sitting in the passenger seat of his Dodge Charger and I remember in my dream I’m thinking “God he’s so cool, I mean what guy who has a charger ISN’T cool?” (I chuckle a little bit recalling that in-dream thought knowing that coolness is not measured by the car you drive.) We circle around the lake and down a back road and he reaches over to touch my hand, and smiles at me.
The dialogue is the clearest it has ever been to me in a dream in many years.
“Alyssa, I’m sorry.”
“For what, sweety?” Why I was calling this man, ‘sweety’ I’ll never know.
“You know this wedding isn’t real right? This is just a show she and I have to put on for her parents. It’s not going to be real, Lyssa.” Nobody but my family and a couple friends have called me that.. it’s a term of endearment to me.
“Why would you even pretend when you’d rather be with me anyway?” I looked him in the eyes, which were a shade of hazel brown. “I don’t get it.”
“It’s going to be a ceremony just for show. So everyone in her family who loves us both and really wants us to be together will get off our backs about when we’re getting married. Her Mom and Dad are putting a lot of pressure on her to get married and have kids, but she’s not ready, and shit neither am I.” He shook his head and laughed a little and then saw that I wasn’t laughing and sighed.
I am watching the road ahead as we drive and it dead ends at a large flight of stairs. The car begins to drive up these flimsy-looking wooden stairs and as the engine growls it climbs higher and higher. He drops me off at the front door to his apartment and then puts it in reverse down these several flights of stairs to park the Charger down in the parking lot. (Gimme a break, I can’t control what happens in my dreams.) I stand there waiting for him and instead let myself into the apartment. Upon which I’m greeted by another male who lives in the apartment. He smiles at me and somehow he knows my name when he greets me. He is wearing a bath towel around his waste and is pacing back and forth from the archway next to the fireplace to the living room couch which is an ugly green plaid color.
The man from the car steps in behind me and puts his arm around my waist and smiles. “Don’t worry. I’m still not convinced we’re going to end up being together forever, Lyss.” I actually laughed in this ironic moment.
“HEY! Don’t forget the rings!” His male roommate yells out to him from the archway and the man standing next to me swings around and looks at me and with the audacity of a chauvenistic asshole asks ME to go down to his car and retrieve him and his new wifes wedding rings. I descend down the stairs and once at the bottom, there are no lights I am literally groping in the dark trying to make out the shape of the charger and trying to recognize the color of the car by the reflection of the moon.
I bring it upstairs to him, I have no recollection of ever finding the car of getting the rings, just immediately switching back to walking up the stairs with something in my hand that looks to be like a twin sized ring box.
We cuddle on the couch and we both fall asleep, the next morning we drive down to the lake where the wedding rehearsal is being held. His fiance runs up to us getting out of the car and lunges at him jumping into his arms, which are fairly muscular. I look away.
She turns to me in all of her bouncy blond glory and her hair is tightly curled and her make up is done to perfection. I’m still in the khaki shorts and long sleeve sweater. Her family has gathered like a throng of ants to a picnic and are playing an assortment of sports, but only the kind of sports that would be considered tasteful if you come from money. They are playing bocce ball and badmitton and others are sitting at several wrought iron and tile patio table sets and children in pristine dresses are running around.
“Alyssa, I’m really glad you could come. You’re a great friend to him” (No she never says his name, I wish my dream had given me a name to work with.)
“Yeah, thanks for inviting me.” I see a group of teenaged girls and one boy standing on a dock fishing, over her shoulder, I head that way. They give me a fishing rod and I cast out. I somehow manage to catch a turtle, a turtle about the size of the kind you find in the woods. I look down into the bucket and there is a tiny turtle swimming around and the girl looks at me and says:
“Hey. You caught a baby, you better throw it back so it can procreate.”
I retort with. “Are you kidding me? This one is triple the size of the one in the bucket.” They all turn up their noses at me and I release the turtle back into the water. The man is standing behind me now with a hand on my shoulder.
“Come with me.” he says firmly and I follow him to a remote corner of the lake where there is an amazingly large willow tree and in the distance I see a few deer nibbling in a field. He pulls me underneath this willow tree which conceals us from the outside world entirely, then he gets all poetic on me and starts reciting unclear lines about how this willow tree represents us and about how if he could stay here and live out his life with me underneath this willow tree where nobody could find us or judge us, he would…
But.. fuck, there’s always a but, and even in my dream I felt it coming, he closes his eyes.
“But I have decided that she completes me and with her is where I belong.” He turns and leaves me standing there alone.
Hours later, as if nothing happened I attended the quaint wedding and watched the two of them kiss and immediately after the ceremony is finished the two announce that they are retreating to some exotic spa in Asia for their honeymoon, and I remembered it was where we had discussed having our own honeymoon if it ever happened. I left feeling completely empty and headed over to a hall which seemed to immediately fast forward in time because then I was sitting on a football field watching this jumbotron type thing with pictures of them on their honeymoon. Lovely.
Hello, alarm clock. That was incredibly sad for my dream self… which I like to separate from my dream-self because my dream-self isnt a person I like most of the time, she doesnt stand up for herself like I do in my real life, and she just lets people walk all over her. She’s like my alter-ego. She isn’t married and she is on the prospects of many different lovers whom she seems to fall deeply in love with then they don’t work out.
I have always been incredibly curious about my dreams because as odd as it sounds my dreams have some sort of serious moral threading, because in my dreams I can’t cheat on my husband when I have dreams where my dream-self does actually recognize that I’m married, my dreams won’t let me have sex with anyone else BUT my husband in my own dreams. I’ll get right down close to doing the dirty deed with a handsome person/stranger and my dream-self will do something stupid like say “No, this isn’t right, I can’t do this!” and then my real-self will be in the bleachers going “COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!?!” I’ve always wondered what my dreams meant.
Do you ever have any crazy dreams that leave you questioning yourself or what it meant for days to come? Does it cross over into your awake life and cause you to zone out or drift off when you’re supposed to be doing something else? Does it ever hinder how you feel about people in your awake life even for just a short while? How many of your dreams are recurring and what are they about?
If you’ve made it this far, you’re the shit.