“Can I follow my dreams even if I’m married?” popped up the search keywords for my page, meaning somebody searched for that and found my blog. Weird search terms but apparrently this person has a lot on their mind, and a lot to think about. How interesting this is…
Let’s discuss. Whoever you are, whatever gender you are – we’re going to make this your “couch” today.
I was married at 17, still in high school, and during some of our roughest patches and near divorce a couple times, I felt like all was lost, I could never live up to society’s standards of being a well educated and financially stable woman. I had given up hope and settled down and said, I can’t afford daycare so I might as well sit at home and gain forty-five pounds and live inside depression until it kills me. We were losing everything, his income, at the time, wasn’t enough and our family was literally falling apart as I sat there and waited for it to come crashing down on me.
A year ago September we were in a down-period and for really the only time, nearing divorce, we had completely detached from each other and we had tons of tiny little shattered pieces that seemed impossible to stick back together. I knew that as he was moving out, I would have no income only a minimal amount of child support. No insurance, except state aid for my daughter, and no food stamps (the state wouldn’t help me), nada. I was going to lose the roof over my head. So with a little financial help from other places, I stepped up my game, I was spending most of my day looking for and applying for jobs, I was spending all day on the internet and with my nose in the papers finding jobs. I hadn’t been called to an interview yet then finally after three weeks I got four interview proposals. I went to all but one of them. The very last one I went to – is where I am today a year later, with a full 401k program, great insurance that meets all my needs and more, a good boss, and friends at my job.
I made the decision that I was perfectly happy being a work-out-of-home-mom. I found that my new working self was a much happier self because I wasn’t getting so stressed out over finances and the lack of a social life that I felt suicidal. I had gained both financial stability and a bunch of new friends- and on top of this, I gained my independence and a piece of self worth.
I decided this wasn’t enough for me, one of my goals in life was to be able to say I had a degree in -something-. I didn’t want to be just a low level this or an entry level that. So I enrolled my ass in college and told myself that my dreams and my aspirations did not need to be put on hold because I am married. I am pursuing all of the things I want out of life – with the help of my partner. It’s only that much easier to follow my dreams with my husband as a side-kick then it would be for me to go it alone. Following your proverbial “dreams” is a hard, unpaved, unmapped road. It’s going to be a piss-poor road to travel on but it really isn’t that bad.
I hope that helps you find more of what you’re looking for.