Admire my Comedic Sense of Humor


I don’t know if this whole search engine term is a good idea…for anyone. Why do we even want to know the kind of shit people are searching for…? FUCK THAT – I’m totally intrigued, totally sold on this feature. It gives me an abundance of shit to discuss when I’m feeling non-creative.

After the last post about the lovers marrying unknown people, it opened up a floodgate some place in cyber space and it was like the weirdo’s came out to play.

  1. “Wife Goes Out Too Much”

  2. “Foot Fetish”

  3. “Binding Someone Out of Your Life”

  4. Moonbeam McQueen

  5. “Getting Married Jokes”

  6. “Best Joke of 2007”

 

Let’s discuss.

Number one, I don’t even understand how I can explain to the worried husband that typed that entry in. “Wife Going Out a Lot”. She’s probably not screwing around on you, but then again I don’t know your wife, but seriously, it is so hard for women to break out of the mold of separating themselves from Mom, Wife, Self. It is increasingly harder with the way the world is today to relieve ourselves of this identity crisis; it claimed me for the first two years after my daughters birth, she’s three and a half now and I’m still not sure I’m out of the woods. I still go out, I get drunk and pass out in weird places, I go dancing, I party, I live my life. I love my kiddo, and I love my husband. I need that time to separate myself and at the same time, help to integrate who I am. I do these things because well, let’s face it, it’s fun…and because there is a certain air of escapism involved. For just a night or a few hours here and there I can escape the monotony of what it’s like to live suburban life.. really? Come on, we all know it can get boring. Nothing a little Top 40 and some Jager Bombs can’t cure. 😉 There isn’t really much you can do to stop your wife from going out so much, she’s going to have to hit a wall where suddenly she’d rather be home with you and the kids – instead of out partying, there is a truth to “Getting it out of your system.”

2. FOOT FETISH?! Have you guys ever read that Joys of Sex book, it’s a yellow covered book? Oh my god, there is a page in it that discusses the “Joys” of TOE SEX. Yes, you read it, and I can’t believe I just typed it because now more foot fetish people are going to end up finding their way to my blog. How do you explain to the gynecologist you have a raging case of Athletes Vagina? Dr. Scholl’s can’t cure that shit, ladies. Think about it.

3. “Binding someone out of your life”. It’s clear this is somebody searching for a “Spell” of sorts, you know, something of the occult, whether out of anger or to heal a broken heart. If you really think this will help, I recommend picking up your own copy of the movie “The Craft”. I’m sure Neve Campbell has some tips………………………

The fourth is relatively self explanatory, somebody found my blog by trying to find the lovely Moonbeam McQueen . No, McQueen did NOT pay me for this, but I thought it cool that somebody googled and poked through my blog to get over there. Here’s your plug. 😉

5. Getting married jokes.  LOL. There should be no joking whatsoever about getting married. When I hear myself inside my head saying the above I sound like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Really, I bet this was some best man, Dad, Brother, friend whatever who was searching for something witty to say about the groom on the wedding day. For real, don’t tell jokes, give advice so that when they divorce they don’t say something like:

“You know, if only that asshole, Dan, wouldn’t have made wise cracks about us getting divorced over leaving the toilet lid up, we’d still be married.”

Sad. But True. However if you give advice, and the divorce still happens, the following will occur:

“If only we had listened to that wise and insightful, Dan, we might still be married today.”

 You see the difference?! I sure do.

and 6. “Best Joke of 2007”. Clearly, this blog entry, takes that title.

Goodnight loves,

-Alyssa

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6 thoughts on “Admire my Comedic Sense of Humor

  1. Awww…thanks for the plug! Don’t know how they got to you by searching for me, but I’m glad they did– your blog’s hilarious. I can’t stopping laughing about “athlete’s vagina.”

    I think my weird search term award is a tie between, “little people in my oven,” and “my neighbor is hypnotizing me.” Although “Crisco in my butt” is right on up there. I don’t even wanna know.

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