Please don’t let my professor find this…. he will surely not think I’m as smart as I come off to be…
I’ve got a major project for college due tomorrow, and I’m about 75% finished because I’m put it off for so long, I’ve been doing research off and on for several weeks and doing little bits and excerpts and saving articles and different clippings from here or there…. but I haven’t really gotten down into the meat of it until like 4-5 days ago.. I am supposed to be able to talk for ten minutes… and I mean, shit, I can talk forever if you’ll let me but the point is, is what I’m going to be talking about going to be worth other people listening to?
I hate slopping shit together. Because that is a literal representation of who I am…
I have a child, I’m a wife, I work full time, and I go to college…. this presentation is going to say “I’m a working mom and wife, I go to college part time, I have a full time job – This is as good as it gets folks..”
I think my biggest problem is that I’m having real reservations about what I’m going to college for… I’m going for a degree in Business Administration and I’m completely unsure as to whether or not this is what I want.. months ago I was so sure and everyone was behind me telling me how getting a degree in business administration was a safe bet for most of what I’d decide to do with after college, considering I’m in the business field right now, gaining clerical experience…
Don’t get me wrong, my job is challenging when it comes to certain aspects, but it’s a job- despite me enjoying it, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my days..unless it suddenly starts to pay significantly more…. I want to explore and do other things… Well I was talking to a couple people last night, and they both said “Alyssa, why are you doing something you’re not passionate about?”
…and I honestly had to think about it… Why AM I doing something I’m not passionate about?
So I listed….
- its a lucrative career choice
- it’s a general degree choice allowing for more options later
- it means stability
- whats best for my family
and then I stopped…. and tried to weigh in on the side of me that was screaming..
“Alyssa, what about YOU, don’t YOU want to be happy with the career choices you’ve made??”
I actually had to rationalize this… I am passionate about things… Really.
I am passionate about my family, my marriage, my friends, writing, photography, scrapbooking, journaling, travel, decorating shit…. good lord… I could go on and on and on… But one of the things I am not passionate about is…. the stock market, investing, corporations, acquisitions…anything that makes me want to sleep or scratch my eyeballs out… I feel like I’m going to drudge through college and do something I’m incredibly unhappy with just for the better good of my family…why can’t I find something That I am happy with….and provide equally as well for my family… Don’t I deserve that? Don’t I have that right?
It’s something I am not going to even think about until finals are over with. Seriously. But when finals are over…. I am going to take a good hard long look in the mirror and decide whether or not this is really where I’m going with my career and education choices…
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