I posted before about how this time of year and the holidays make me feel…but tonight seemed to solidify it.
We decided to clean up hang some lights in the windows and put up our tree, get out the angel candle holders that were nestled into their box that was shoved under the stairs in storage all this time… Break in the new tree skirt, and put the santa hat on top of the tree, because we’re non-conformists – who needs a star when we have a santa hat?
We’re pulling out all of our ornaments, adorned with our names with the year underneath them, our double stocking gold plated ornament giving to us the first christmas we celebrated together. Our First Christmas – Alyssa & Robert – 2003. Rhi’s first christmas ornament, an angel laying on a pillow. (Even though she isnt exactly an angel in my book right now after permanent marker was all over the walls, the curio cubby, a painting and the Dora table this morning – but Magic Eraser saved her sweet little hiney) Robert starts pulling out these little figurines and Ninja Turtle ornaments from a box his mother gave him with all of his ornaments in it. He was handing me stuff to put out or hang up and despite these things of childish nature that didnt exactly fit in the xmas decor, I put them out anyway. Because they meant something to him, they were little pieces of himself he had held onto all of these years, and I saw myself in him. I pulled out an ornament of a little cat in a blue dress with ballet shoes and lacey angel wings and a halo, that as far back as my brain can recall, I’ve put on every tree I’ve had and taken it every place with me. I owed Robert this same right. So I put the glass donkey out, I smiled at the ninja turtles ornament on the tree, I put the white glass santa out with the chipped corner, because it MEANT something..
We video camera’d the event while 102.5 Christmas songs played in the background and I pinned the stockings up on the side of the stair case, lit a ‘highly scented’ candle and we made rich chocolate hot cocoa..
It was a scene right out of Martha Stewart magazine…..
But it was ours, we weren’t thinking about money, or buying christmas gifts late in the game, we were thinking about doctor bills, or the marker on the wall, or the dishes in the sink, we weren’t thinking about anything, but being together and making our home feel like Christmas to us…..and it was so refreshing it almost brought tears to my eyes that there was something so able to put all of that bullshit out of my mind, that it literally made me feel misty thinking about how I was more deadset on making memories and video taping than thinking about everything else..
….isn’t that amazing?