While I have not been formally diagnosed with any “real” fertility problems as of yet, we’ll see if that changes on the 25th when we see the reproductive endocrinologist for a consultation, even then I probably won’t have any answers. I have seen so many other women go through far more heartache than I am experiencing right now – but it’s all one in the same.
I get questions all the time from friends and friends husband who don’t really understand why women get so upset over the possibility of being rendered unable, or groping in the dark wondering if they’re going to be able, to have a baby. They say things like “why can’t she just be happy with the one(s) she has?” and my response to that, first of all, if it were my husband, I’d slap him, because he personally knows better, but others husbands who are not educated in the way of fertility and the impact it has on some women.
First off, most of the feminists who read this blog will either ignore it completely or bust into this entry and talk about how our uterus and the ability to pop out a baby should not define us as women, as human beings.. blah blah. While it may be a valid point, we can’t escape what is programmed in our DNA, and for many women there is a seedling in our DNA that bases the things we do in life around our reproductive health. We date, weed out the weakest links, to “mate” with, and then choose the best one that meets an emotional and potential “mating” need. It’s just like animals in a sense, we are similar in so many ways to the way they mate and choose their mate.
A friend of mine recently mentioned to me that he had just had a vasectomy, while the mention caught me off guard, as he’s only 28, and we’re not that close , I was a little taken aback. I asked him why at such a young age? He said that he and his wife had three children already and that they honestly couldn’t financially support any more, his wife was entirely against this idea. She kept expressing her disinterest, but then ultimately decided she wouldn’t put up a fight any more. When he asked her why it was going to bother her since she didn’t want any more kids to begin with, why was she putting up such a struggle?
I explained to him why, and when we finished talking it was like he had an “ooooooohh…….I seeeeeeee” moment.
My explanation was simple, our reproduction parts of our brain sometimes don’t work rationally and we overlook reality and rationality to meet that need, to fulfill that piece of us as women. We want to raise babies, and have pieces of our spouses and ourselves in this world. It’s as simple and more complex than that. When we are suddenly faced with the idea that our reproductive future is coming to a screeching halt we suddenly start thinking “Oh god, what if I want another in a year, what if i change my mind? Why cant we just not go through with it, just so we still have the option later” and this might go over for several children. It’s like a little piece of us dies when we believe that our baby-making is flushed, challenged, severed, you name it.
This doesn’t apply to all women but I will say, there’s a little something innate that makes me believe that we are as a species true to our roots in most ways. I think it’s in our blood to have that feeling that need to have babies.
I know the LGBT community might say “No no no no, not us…!” I however, having a best friend who is a lesbian, has shown me the light that even those who are with the same sex and unable to have children physically in that manner – that even THEY feel like they want to procreate somehow…Again, not all, not generalizing, but a good recognizable chunk.