The Language Division of English Speaking Americans

Doesn’t it just burn your ass when you give somebody an answer and then they try and ask you another question that’s damn near identical with just slightly different wording? Let’s try my present scenario on for size.

I possess some sign up sheets on my desk for March Madness – somebody walks up to me and asks “What’s this for?” and I smile and politely mention that it is for our march madness company shin-dig every year.

And get this – she goes..

“so is this an annual thing?”

Umm…let’s recap that part where I told you that our company does this every year, for “March”, which I’m AT LEAST 99% positive happens at least ONCE in a calendar year, and “Madness”….

“What does hula hoop mean?”

What do you think it means? It means you put a hoop around your waist and wiggle around like an idiot and laugh and make coy jokes at your co-workers about how your hips ‘Don’t lie’ or ‘they just ain’t what they used to be before Bobby, Billy, Betty, Susie, Joanie, Judy and the rest of your litter were born.’

“no no, I mean, is the hula hooping contest for how long you can hula hoop or how many times you can go around?”

Have you EVER in your life been able to successfully count how many times the hoop goes around when hula hooping? Not only is it so fast you cant even tell, and secondly it doesnt necessarily make one whole rotation every time you move your hips. I however, do not know the answer to this question… so I reply with.

“I’m really not sure the ramifications for each contest, this will be the first year we’ve done it since I’ve worked here, last year it was cancelled due to bad weather  so I am unsure as to how each contest works.”

and she responds with..

“What’s crazy b-ball? How do you win that? “

Please recall previous answer where I tell you I HAVE NO &*$@%& idea what the requirements are for each contest, I just have the biggest desk in one of the most high traffic places in the office – so I was just instructed to put the sheets out for people who wanted to participate. I’m not the Wizard of Oz, I don’t KNOW EVERYTHING…

and finally – after all of the reassurance that I do NOT KNOW the credentials required to participate in said contest…

“what if you can’t physically participate in jump rope?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then don’t sign up!!! It’s not a requirement, the memo said “if you’d like to participate, feel free to put your name on one or all of the activity sign up sheets…..” not “GO UP TO HER DESK AND SIGN UP RIGHT NOW OR PREPARE FOR RETALLIATION!!! (unless you have a doctor’s note or are physically uncapable of participating)..”

This is where my eyes turn into little X’s like in the cartoons…


One thought on “The Language Division of English Speaking Americans

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s