Teeter Totter

Every other week is like a roller coaster of ever changing emotions for me.

One day I am so sure that this is no longer what I want, we want, and that I’m going to ultimately take the leap… but then something tugs at my heart and changes my mind.

How can you tell the difference between what your heart is just so accustomed to that it is forever a weak spot that I can’t imagine a day without it versus true unconditional love?

This is what happens when you get married at 17 and are never able to live and understand yourself or who you are – this is what happens when you don’t have the opportunity to play the field and learn all the ins and outs of everything you want and don’t want personality wise in a partner.

The consequences of impulsive decisions with an under developed brain.

Ironically, seven years is a pretty impressive track record for people our age… I can only pray we have stayed together out of love and NOT out of pride in having something to prove to our families who gave our marriage “five months”. I think we have long surpassed the stigma of getting married young, maybe?

Now I just need to figure out WHY I can’t be happy – ever. I’d also really like to know what the cure for the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome.

If anyone knows I’ll owe my life.


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