You’ve been here all along…


I didn’t even get a chance to see what the grass is like on the other side of the fence but I can tell you it is most certainly fertilized with my own bullshit. I think this is what happens when you get married young, you feel eternally like you’ve missed out on something. You teeter back and forth on the lines of what you feel you want and what is expected that you be. I don’t mind some mild conformity but I pave my own way that’s for sure. That being said, I am not sure exactly what happened between my dismal posts and status updates last week and this week.

It was odd. I almost can’t explain it. It’s like I woke up one morning and saw him for who he really was. A great father, a romantic person, a loyal and faithful companion, stable and understanding… I could go on. We have our differences, major ones – but I think the majority of our issues were forced. I was trying so hard to make him be everything I wanted, the whole package… so much so that I realized that he’s pretty damn close. I think the major differences we have are the fact that we don’t do any of the same things for fun. We have some troubles connecting on a laughter/fun/hobby sort of level.

I think I am truly lucky to have somebody who keep me and my wander lustΒ tied down. He’s seen me in my most unflattering moments…married me when I was fat, yep I said it, and stood by me through every time I lacked confidence in the decision I made to marry him – the teeter totter as mentioned in previous posts and cared for us through every crisis large, small and/or imagined. Granted, I’ve seen his unflattering side years ago but mine kind of lingered a bit longer, maybe it’s because he is older than me, who knows? Maybe I’m just a stubborn pain in the ass. Yeah, definitely the latter. HopefullyΒ it’s put to rest now…

I am hopeful for whats to come – and pretty damned optimistic.

This weekend was a great weekend – pumpkin patch, Hannibal Folk Life Festival and the hubby got some face time with his friends at a bonfire. Work week isn’t going to be fun after this fun weekend.

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2 thoughts on “You’ve been here all along…

    1. Well, I can’t even really explain it, but I woke up and said “WHAT AM I DOING!?”

      I think part of it was hearing through the grapevine about this guy friend of mine, who I went to elementary school with, was like a great personality match of mine cheating on his wife of three years and she is devastated because they were trying to have a baby. I remember hanging out with him at a night club a few times and chatting with him on facebook and just imaging “What if??” (if things had been different or were different), would I be happier with this personality type and he seems so perfect and a great guy. It wasn’t him, granted, it was the idea of somebody like him. When I found out via the facebook grapevine that he had been sleeping with another girl on his wife for the last several months – I started to go… “This could be me!” and really started to re-evaluate the grass being greener on the other side of the fence because I’m too selfish to see that there is NO such thing as the 100% COMPLETE PACKAGE – that’s too much for one person to fit the bill. You know?

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