I’m worth it?


I kid you not, I have been sick more than 5 times in the last 14 months. I am so over this.  Stomach flu – twice. Flu – twice. (one of which is right now.) Enterovirus that nearly hospitalized me. Gastritis (ulcer problems) x 2. You name it. I’m so over it. I want to get involved in the research study that removes and replaces your immune system with something super human. My dearest husband made me home-made chicken noodle soup for dinner and took care of the kids while I laid in bed all evening. As we speak, I am on the laptop curled up in bed some very fuzzy purple socks that my mother put in my stocking for Christmas.

Speaking of my mother, tonight I talked to her for a short time and when giving her the information on my new job. She told me “You know, Alyssa, it’s ok to pat yourself on the back every now and then.” I let this bounce around inside my head for a bit. She was right.

I can be the most confident person you know – and then as soon as somebody throws me a bone I second guess myself and like this job, though I was definitely qualified and my skill set seemed pretty in line with what this job description is asking, I still kept thinking “How could they pick me? There is somebody else that interviewed that is better than me, I’m sure of it.” I had come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be the one they picked, which for whatever reason, did not make me sad at the time, probably because I didn’t allow myself to get excited about the possibility.

When they called and offered me the job, I started telling myself I didn’t deserve it. I had worked hard in all of my jobs to learn skills that I could add to my resume to make me a versatile valuable employee to anyone who would want to hire me. Instead, I immediately shut down, even after accepting, and said “Maybe I don’t deserve this. Maybe I can’t do this. This is too good for me.” I looked back at every single mindless, subconscious mistake I had made at my present job in the last year and used that as a tally mark against my competence. I had conditioned myself to believe that just because a tedious task was not my strong point that every time I goofed at that it indicated that I was less than what I was worth and I was a good for nothing college-degree-lacking secretary.

Screw that.  Guess what…

  • I’m good with people and building relationships with total strangers.
  • People relate to me.
  • I’ve got a versatile background with different skills, applications, technologies etc…
  • I’m assertive in a respectful way.

And most of all, I deserved this job and I can do it and I will be good at it. 😉

Now, to crawl back under these covers and go to bed – or I’ll wait up until I can take another dose of theraflu…yeah, I might just do that.

-G’night.

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