As most of you don’t know, haha, my mother is adopted. She is the first born child from both of her biological parents and she has three biological half siblings from each biological parent, making her the oldest of 7 (in her biological family). My mother found them when I was 5 and she was 21. She did not know she was adopted until age 9. Her parents kept it a secret and she came across some paperwork in my Grandmother’s secretary desk detailing the adoption through Catholic Family Services. As you might suspect, things changed.
My mother was the second “born” child in her adoptive family. My mom’s adoptive parents, my grandparents, had experienced multiple miscarriages after their severely premature son, my uncle, and so they adopted my mother assuming this would be the last child they would be able to have. My grandmother went on to have two more daughters 7 and 8 years younger than my mom. Making her 2 of 4 in her adoptive family.
To be honest with you, none of them look anything like their parents, the only proof was that people and pictures have on record my grandmother being pregnant and giving birth, otherwise, there is very little if any resemblance whatsoever and many people in our family agree. My uncle, the oldest, favors a young version of my grandfather but you’d have to know them both to see it.
Given the recent events with being estranged from my mother’s family, it has made my mother and I realize more how we should be forging real family ties and branching out with people who really do love and care for us.
Recently, my mother’s biological baby sister got married, who lives here in St. Louis while the rest of her biological mother’s side lives in New Mexico at this point. The wedding was family and close friends only and the reception was open to everyone else. My mother and I were really happy to be invited since apparently the DNA we share is more important than a piece of paper that says they aren’t family anymore.
It was a great time! It was amazing to me to see an entire family socializing and taking photographs together and loving each other AS a family versus animosity so thick you could cut it with a knife. Nobody was sneering or scowling at my mother or gossiping about the child her bi0-Mom “gave away”, people were welcoming and inviting and accepting.. Something I have never really had before, or known at all. I’m generally a tolerant and accepting person – but I’ve never really known what it means to be accepted without condition without people talking poorly behind your back. My mom’s adoptive parents = “Don’t talk about anything in public forum because it’s taboo and reflects poorly on this family!” “We can’t do anything drastic because we enable everyone to behave poorly and other’s will find out and it will reflect poorly on us.” (Disclaimer: My mom’s immediate adoptive family only, not any of the extended relatives feel this way for whatever reason – we still talk to all of them) versus my mom’s adoptive family “You’re here, we love you – we accept you!”
It was very nice to feel like we were a part of something when we’ve faced such animosity and opposition from my mom’s adoptive family for several years. Shit-talking spreads like poison in that family, or, catches like a wildfire – any analogy similar to those would work too. People were coming up to us, that I don’t remember, and hugging us and talking about how happy they were to have all of the siblings together (my mother and her biological siblings) and to some of them, to see me for the first time in 18-20 years. (Others I have seen recently in my travels). It made me want to run away and never look back at the mean things my mom’s adoptive family says… then I realize – I already did.
They left some gifts on the back porch on my sons birthday but have made absolutely ZERO attempts in over 2 months to contact me, e-mail me, call me, come over – beg to see their grandchildren or niece and nephew. Oh yeah that’s right they called me a “bitch” and my kids “mean-spirited little assholes” and for the addict “She doesn’t care if she never sees them again anyway” for the fallacious name calling mentioned about my small children…
Guess whose talking now? All the people you didn’t want to know your secrets… and I didn’t have to say a word. They came to their own conclusions.