Talkin’ bout boobies.


This topic isn’t really open for discussion since I’ve already made up my mind… but I figured I would start to become more comfortable with it once I just got it out there in the open. I’ve already sought out a lot of advice and opinions and medical opinion etc.

 

Let’s start here:

In 2006 – two years after my first child was born, I tipped the scales at 200lbs. By 2007 (May’ish) I had gotten up to 220lbs. During this time my husband and I were trying to conceive our second child… it simply wasn’t happening. The doctor very gently said to me – “You know, estrogen can often get absorbed away from where it needs to be to mature an egg when the mother is overweight. Have you thought about losing a little weight and seeing what happened?”  – This was after her reluctance to put a 21 year old on any additional fertility drugs and save us the heartache of IUI or IVF or anything like that..

It hurt to hear that… it hurt so bad that I cried for two days. Nothing was wrong with me or my husband, it was my own mindless selfish eating that was causing us to not have a child.

I went on Weight Watchers and lost 40lbs in 4 months… then got pregnant in December of 2007 – positive pregnancy test January 14th, 2008. Our son was born August 30th.  Problem solved, right?

Well no, the 40lbs wasn’t enough, I wanted to be pretty and I wanted to be thin. I grew up where soda, second platefuls of food, snacks and lots of carbohydrates were acceptable. I had built upon these habits for so long that it was nearly impossible to break them!

Fast forward to 2012 – I have lost ~70lbs to date.  I have 20 more to lose.

After 60lbs I started to notice that I was not losing ANYTHING – went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Hypothyroid, meaning everything would suck. LOL Depression, sleep issues, weight loss issues, weight gain issues, trouble concentrating, memory issues… You name it. So we regulated it with medication…

Fast forward to now, weight loss halt again and the Dr. is going to introduce a T3 supplement with my normal thyroid meds in hopes that all of this working out in the gym and continuing to follow Weight Watchers will allow me to lose my final 20.

SO — now here we are 70lbs down, and things… don’t look right. I am completely disproportionate due to areas of specific weight loss where in others I don’t seem to have a lot of difference. I have struggled, immensely, with my self esteem and my ability to feel good about myself.

I am getting a breast augmentation. My consultation is March 2nd and there I will consult with the doctor to decide if silicone or saline is best for my body-type. I have a size mostly decided but will consult with the doctor on his opinion.  I wouldn’t say that the issue is only that they are too small, but that they are not normal for the body of a 25, almost 26 year old.

It’s happening, hopefully it will be long before the summer, I’m actually hoping to get it done in March. Happy Birthday to me!

I’ve gotten a lot of idiotic feedback along with a FLOOD of positive feedback stating how important it is to feel good about yourself. I’ve been battling depression that is largely attributed to my inability to feel pretty or to feel like I have self worth. I want to be able to get back the confidence that I had before. I seemingly traded one problem for another – lost a ton of weight, went from a size 18 to a size 6-8 but now things don’t look the same. Back to square one on the body issues plane.

Idiotic feedback #1: “What are you telling your daughter by getting fake boobs? Showing her that your self worth is in big breasts?”

My response: Really? Something I do for myself, because I feel like I want/need it is imposing my beliefs on her? She is her own person and she may not feel like she needs fake boobs and if she does, so be it. I don’t see the big deal, I can be a role model while not being completely defined by my children. Humans ARE superficial creatures, there is no denying that, we see a lot of things for face value and if we don’t feel good about ourselves for whatever reason, I don’t see any shame in doing things to make yourself feel good. Who wants a depressed Mommy who is lacking confidence and doesn’t have the ability to show that confidence in an outward way? Not me.

Idiotic response #2: “The only reason women get boob jobs is for negative attention from the wrong men in our society.”

My response: Nobody is going to see them except my husband and maybe the pals on float trip when I am in a bikini (not topless, you know what I mean). This is for me, this is for me to stand in front of the mirror while I get dressed and say “I am happy with my body”. I’m ok with a little cellulite, I’m ok with my stretch marks — what I’m not ok with disproportion and not feeling good when I’m even wearing CLOTHES. That’s sad, folks.

Idiotic response #3: “Don’t you have other higher priorities to spend your money on?”

My response: Sure, who doesn’t? Are we in bad debt of any kind? No. Will we still have the money leftover each month to pay for our remodel and other such things and put money in the savings? Absolutely. I don’t borrow money from anyone, ever, for any reason and I don’t take out loans I can’t afford to pay back.

Here goes nothing – I am afraid of going under the knife, afraid of going under general anesthesia, hell who isn’t! – I’m afraid of not being able to sleep on my stomach anymore… so I’ve started transitioning myself to side sleeping.

It is happening, folks and there is no stopping it. I just need somebody to hold my hand, stroke my hair and tell me not to be scared shitless.

Ha-ha.

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