The girl child, my oldest, had a fantastic birthday. Her Dad has a lot of things to be hanging up. She got her own TV, lots of iTunes gift cards to buy movies for the AppleTV to stream onto her television. Cool knick nacks to hang on her wall – make her room more cozy. 🙂 I am looking for a canopy to get her, make her appreciate her room, her own space and the TV will be gone if her behavior is a problem. Leverage. LOL. Everything was great with the party, we had a fantastic group of people, hung out had snacks, talked, drank margaritas. No drama. It was great – how family SHOULD spend time together, something I’ve never really understood. Everyone has always been in my past a little mingling pack hanging back gossiping or talking shit. I didn’t understand this kind of family socialization and sometimes it still frightens me a little.
My daughter received some gifts from the other side of the family.. not surprisingly nothing from The Addict. She was serious when she said my kids were ‘mean spirited little assholes and she never wanted to see them again’ (I saved the text, don’t know why – hurtful memory- but I kept it because I knew they wouldn’t believe me if I told them, they believed her, or didn’t and didn’t care that she was lying… Yet, I’m the honest one. Hilarious.) It’s nice that they thought of her… and since they read this blog because they simply cannot stay away – they know now, too. The matriarch is too silenced by the patriarch to come seek me out… because he puts everyone through loud hell if they do something or say something he doesn’t agree with. I remember it well from my own childhood.
So – we go on this way. It’s unfortunately sad, considering my Stepfather’s Mother just passed away. Good thing she passed with a good relationship with all of her kids and grandkids. People will often succumb to their own stubbornness – more often than they will apologize for hurting someone.
The more I go through my degree program, the more I am able to diagnose them — well, even my own issues. I think it might be a coping mechanism for me to break them all down into groups with a clinical mindset and applying systems theories as well as viewing different attachment models. I used the family group as part of an ecomap for class and broke them all down and diagnosed them all based on everything I knew so far. The grandparents were harder to diagnose because I didn’t know their parents and I am unfamiliar with how they were raised, really. However, the siblings – I witnessed it. They were easier. Sad. Deeply sad, but easier. My professor was impressed. Them making something up to fight me is a collective defense mechanism – it is easier to reject the chance that I might be right than to face their own demons. A form of denial, but not exact. There is more to it than that.
I am just going to wait – and I might die waiting. I hate, most of all, seeing how much my mom is hurting over this, most especially during the loss of her mother-in-law. It is all too close to home for us considering we both know how things ended when my paternal grandmother died. The End – Case Closed. They will wait for me to seek them out, and I simply cannot, will not, do that – given that that will foster their behavior and let them know that it is OK to treat people that way and eventually they will come back and nobody has to apologize. I can’t provide positive reinforcement for that type of treatment of other humans. Especially not the part where she made up that I accused him of something that we didn’t.
If I am taking anything away from this – it is that I need to do whatever I can to be a good mother to my daughter as she is the most vulnerable to lose her way if history is likely to repeat itself (and it is…)… even at the ripe old age of 8.