Last night we quickly had to make sugar cookies after returning home from our filial therapy session (play therapy with the kids to help them work through issues) and since I had promised – even if it was after bed time – they only took 10 minutes to make. The kids really like baking. Even though I am doing Atkin’s right now (literally there is almost nothing that isn’t low-carb left in my house anymore) to help rectify this plateau and I can’t eat any of this junk-ola, even though I really want to, it is still fun to do something with the kids – and to see them getting along in the same room.
I’ve decided that with my Christmas money, and maybe some of the kids Christmas money, I am going to work on really getting my basement turned into an organized play area so that the kids are not so “bored” at my house and feel like they have options to play together and do not feel like they need to rot in front of the TV while I am writing term papers, or doing homework, or taking finals, or quizzes, or just need some time to myself. You name it. Also, eventually The Hunk might want to bring his kiddo over to play and I want them all to have a space where they can play together. So that is my new project… perhaps while working on this basement project — I will also be making artwork for the walls down there? 🙂 See? I find a way to work Pinterest in to EVERYTHING! So, that will be a nice little holiday project I can throw myself into.
I always need to stay busy. I can never be idle. If I am idle – I feel as though I am wasting time. If I am idle – I am alone with my thoughts and somethings my thoughts try to convince me that this whole single parenting thing, dating, if I ever get married again, completing college, is never going to work… because it didn’t for the people close to me. I look at their lives and think I come from a paradigm where it just can’t work. Where falling in love may be too good to be true, and too much to ask for, where nobody has finished college, where single parenting didn’t work out so well, and I let it control my thoughts. I let it make me believe that I don’t get to have those things because nobody else close to me has been able to completely pull it off, so to speak. I have to pull myself out of this cycle or better yet, shake myself out of that cycle and tell myself that I am different. I can make this work and throwing in the towel is not an option. I will be happy. Period. If I convince myself that failure, unhappiness is not an option – it won’t be.
…at least I hope that self-talk works.