And so we move again. It’s a beautiful little blue house. In a great neighborhood. With a phenomenal school. A fenced in back yard. A room for each of my children so they can feel like they have their own space again and bed times won’t be such a hassle. The neighborhood is beautiful with lots of sidewalks. I won’t be heckled for driving a Prius in this neighborhood. There is a little produce stand close to my house. I am close to work.
I have had to make so many changes this last year – and my issues with anxiety, which have existed my entire life, are starting to improve dramatically. I know this needs to happen – and I just got settled here in this place and sure it will be another HUGE change… but nothing is bigger than divorce. This is small fries and for me – that is an enormous achievement.
I have 5 boxes that are empty- so far- and today I plan to pack some of it. I have three weeks to go and it needs to be done but for the first time I am starting to have faith in myself. My anxiety before – I am finding that the root cause is my fear of the unknown, my fear of failure, and my fear of not finding happiness in those changes. Fear. Root cause.
I am starting to have faith in myself. I didn’t end my marriage four years ago when I knew it was not going to work for more — because I didn’t have faith that I could do it on my own…and these last 7 months have proven to me that I can have faith in myself and that I can live a life where I am optimistic about the future and about changes.
No matter what – I am going to be happy with changes and the things, situations, and people that don’t make me happy – I will remove.
This week – we are getting excited about silver lining:
- Being able to paint
- Backyard for the dog to run around in. (Maybe a swing set?)
- A great neighborhood for me to jog in (and for kids to ride bikes)
- Everyone having their own room.
- Feeling like we have a home and a “fresh start”.
Everyone is going to be happy – including me.