I am reading The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman right now and I am almost done. I have no idea how or why I never read this book before, but it really seems to make a lot of sense to me. My two primary love languages, I have two since Dr. Chapman explains that the exact opposite of the two love languages that would hurt you the most are often your primary love language, are words of affirmation and physical touch.
Venturing into chapter 10 – Dr. Chapman starts to touch on how we learn to love from the love our parents showed one another. In my case I was raised in a multigenerational household which was my mother’s family home since she was a young single mother. I saw my grandmother and grandfather interact but it was mostly my grandmother child rearing and my grandfather working at a job, or in the yard, so I don’t have very many memories of how they interacted as a young child. However, later, when I was 12-13 and my mother married my step father, he communicated and showed his affection to her in a way that I understood – using humor and laughter to help connect to people. I spoke that language. Ok, well, perhaps not very well at the time, but now that I am an adult – I fell into that example and I speak that language now. I fell for The Hunk because he could make me laugh, well for other reasons, but that was the initial attraction.
Anyway, Chapter 10 continues on to discuss how love is indeed a choice and that saying or portraying that you do not have the love your counterpart needs is a choice, not an actual disposition. I have never quite looked at it that way… while we all speak in different love languages — we are making a CHOICE to speak in someone’s love language or receive someone speaking in their love language. We fall in love by a series of chemicals and attraction as the foundation, but we make the choice to make sure that our significant other continues to feel loved … or not. (The ‘or not’ is the part where the significant other stops feeling loved.)
I am an absolute NERD when it comes to relationship science and social science explanations for marriage and learning about how people communicate effectively, or ineffectively.
I will finish The Five Love Languages tonight, I’ll start on my favorite PhD, John Gottman, tomorrow and read “How to Make Love Last – and Avoid Betrayal.” while I am laid up on The Hunk’s couch after another set of injections in my back.
Reading, napping, and Netflix in store for me tomorrow.