Advice from the Beyond

When my paternal Grandmother passed, we were not speaking, I was pregnant with my daughter, who is now 9, and it was a very awful event in my life… No closure.

After my two very recent break ups from people whom I adored, one that I loved deeply but did not treat me appropriately, and another that I believed to be Mr. Right who decided overnight that all of the things he knew that I wanted – he wasn’t sure that he wanted…well, ever. I think it came down to the fact that I had kids, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted a non-traditional household with kids that were not his… and maybe part of it was that when I fall in love I get that stupid feeling like in the movies where I want to stand outside people’s windows, like in Say Anything, and blast it from a boom box. Stupid girl nonsense… and he didn’t understand that. Fine.

…Long story short, I had a very public nervous breakdown, especially after the first and longest… and I got some advice from my paternal Uncle, my Dad’s brother, my late Grandmother’s youngest son… that she had given him in years past.

“You can drop your sword, but never drop your shield.”

And it appears that no matter how much very deep and serious advice that came at me from all angles, even some unexpected angles… I didn’t listen to any of it. Charming. Things are different. He never forgave himself for how he left me before. Convincing, and cunning… but when it comes down to it. He was exactly the same. Letting me sit around and wait, while he played the field to see if he could find something better than me, a second time, knowing that loving him had crippled me from action.I dropped my sword and my shield. What a dumb girl I am and he certainly will exploit it, again… and pretend as if he did nothing wrong.

I’m sorry to those who gave me glorious advice after they had recovered from their own pain, and I did not listen. I am sorry that I didn’t listen… but perhaps you know how this story ends —- so you know, maybe it is you, who are all sorry for me.

Love makes us do stupid things, like believing we are well, moved on, recovered from the worst fall of their lifetime —- only to find themselves right back there, uncertain of the unhealthy ways in which you will hit the ground once you finally come to terms with what has transpired. Again.

4 thoughts on “Advice from the Beyond

  1. We all make mistakes, some of us make the sames one twice before we learn the lesson. I have done it financially, and still to this day I tell myself that I should listened to the advice I was given. Try and pick yourself back up, brush off the dirt and get that sword and shield back up, because there is some jerk waiting to strike again. You’re a strong willed and independent women and you will be just fine.

    1. The worst part is that I truly believe I am a very good potential mate. Kind, affectionate, not jealous, not clingy, caring, and I’m self sufficient. I keep loving men who treat me awful. 😦


      1. I know Alyssa. You are a good person, unfortunately the men that have come your way ended up being duds. It sucks being alone and you need and want companionship, stay patient and the right one will come your way. When Stacey and I started dating I was not looking for anyone, i had put an ad on yahoo personals and Stacey ended up answering and we started talking and the rest is history. You are a good person and a great mom. Keep your head up and stay confident.

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