Disclaimer: Yes, this contains the usual mush about the love in my life. It’s a disclaimer, but I won’t apologize for it, because I spent far too long writing about my heartache to feel sorry for happiness and “mush”.
Today was the Easter extravaganza with my family, for which I took my lovely Drew home to visit my extended family. My son, who is 5, was on sugar overload and having a complete meltdown. Drew handled everything like a champ. I was impressed, my family was impressed… he’s just a rational natural at handling children. He’s attentive and has the parental “eyes in the back of his head”- which id usually a developed skill. I felt a little uptight, because of previous instances where ex was not pleased with my children and their antics, and in my head, again, I’ve mentioned this before (far too many times) I get worried and anxious that this means he will change his mind and decide that he doesn’t want to deal with it.
He could tell, like he always can, that I was concerned.
Me: “I am just concerned that when you see him like this repeatedly in a complete meltdown in sugar overload — you’re going to change your mind about us.”
Drew: “Honey… he isn’t going to be the thing that runs me off.”
(At this point, my heart started pounding – “Oh great, there is something in his mind that he has thought of that plans to run him off.”)
Me: “Seriously?! There’s a thing that is going to run you off?!” (I’m laughing, watching his response closely, however.)
Drew: “If anything, my love, it would be your cooking.”
Yes, of course. Never claimed any fame for being a cook. 😉
However, what transpired next hit me in the chest in a way, that I as a single mother have never felt before. I have always felt, in shared consensus with my ex-husband and their soon-to-be stepmother that my 5 year old son who struggles with some mild issues… is overwhelming, and somewhat hard to take – so sometimes I forget to build up all of his sweet parts.
Me: “Does this make you feel worried or apprehensive about having children with me? … fear that we might have another boy who ends up with meltdowns like this?”
Drew: “Alyssa, if we had a son, and he were to turn out like him, I would be thrilled. He’s a sweet kid. He’s bright and he is still figuring stuff out. He’s five.”
He’s right. My boy is sweet and empathetic and bright. He also won me over, again, another day in our little story.