I have worked in my current position for just about four years. I have been comfortable there, secluded in my little office at the end of the hallway. I’ve had lots of student workers come and go. Graduate students. Even faculty members. I have carved out a little niche in this place where I feel depended upon and really needed. Sometimes my job is thankless and there is a totem-pole like feeling on the College level, not in my department. I was OK with all of this and I take the benefits for what they are. Pay my bills. Have good insurance. Take tuition remission. And enjoy the fact that my boss is a completely compassionate human being that isn’t a micro-manager that treats everyone with respect in an ethical manner… so that made it VERY hard for me to call her and tell her I accepted a new Administrative position in another department in the Medical School. Yeah… Boom. That.
I started looking for another job when I got a 30 cent raise after sparkling annual evaluations, Staff Excellence Award nominations two years in a row, and I still could not pay the bills. Well, I have always paid the bills…I have always managed with scholarship and grant money to supplement my income. This year, that all runs out because I graduate in May. I have been quite simply… “getting by”, but not without ‘robbing Peter to pay Paul’… and that was becoming exhausting. I struggled with the idea that Drew is moving in soon and we are combining houses and then the hunt is on to find “our” home and I just couldn’t be OK with the thought that he was going to have to put in more than I am capable of. I knew that due to remission meant that I needed to stay in the University, but I needed to go somewhere that I could advocate for my worth. I had many many interviews, with many departments, and a couple external that paid a lot more — but not enough more to justify the loss of tuition remission in my Senior year, so that was a bust. However, in this particular department, I got a very good feeling. The team seems very tightly knit and they are giving me opportunities to show my leadership abilities with other admins. I am quite simply glad to be working as part of a collaborative team with other people my age again. Feels like a good change. I am scared, but excited, sad to leave my department, but anxious to meet new people, sad to be giving up my freshly painted (Honeydew Melon!) and carpeted office, but pleased to be sharing space in a team office, glad that I am making a fair amount of money more, and so there is a give and take between the anxiety and the excitement. I’ll take the high of the excitement over the anxiety at this point.
This is a change, an exciting change, and it means that Drew and I are putting our best foot forward and we are going to go up to the lender’s table with the best financial foot forward, which alleviates a lot of future anxiety. This is good, this will be good for us. Change is scary but as my ex-husband reminded me, yes, my ex-husband, historically, I have always been frightened by change and it has always worked out in a way that I was comfortable with and each move has been either financially beneficial for me, or it has been a key to adding valuable skills to my resume. In other words, sometimes the answers to fixing current feelings of unrest are laying in our past. I decided that I was no longer letting my fears of change control my life. Just jump.
Here’s to new beginnings…
In another post, on another day, when I am not so frustrated and concerned about the issue in Ferguson, (about 10 miles from me), I will post about the injustice, unrest, rioting, and protest that is happening far too close to home.