I am pretty sure that unless you make tons of money off of your blog via AdSense or some other private advertisers that you are kind of scoffed at for sharing every intimate detail of your life with strangers on a “blog”. I get it. I really do. But the masses of outsiders do not quite seem to understand how therapeutic it is to release the kind of creative release that comes along with blogging – to, essentially, a captive audience.
Readers, during my awful terrible heartbreak, emailed me, and said that they were truly grateful for my words. Some of them felt my pain helped to heal them. That was enough for me to know that my selfish endeavor to blog was worthy enough to continue… and now a little less selfish.
The process, you ask? (Or maybe you don’t, but I will share it with you anyway.)
An hour on the porch in the clammy nasty humidity of St. Louis, reflecting on the bustle of the world I see passing around me. Which, really, is mostly the Schnucks parking lot…and the occasional passerby on the sidewalk, or the loud thump of a driver’s bass as they whiz past my house. I’m OK with that. I can get down. I like a good bass riff. (Do I sound hip?)
I, usually, don’t position myself onto my Midwest porch until I am coated in bug spray and/or a gifted Bordeaux. Hah! But when I do, I delve deep into my abilities to talk about the things nearest to me and dearest to me. Which I often share here.
Sometimes this blog has gotten some attention drawn to me…
Ex-boyfriend’s ex (oh, one of many…) read my blog during a time of great duress when I was trying to get past the pain he was causing me and convincing myself that we could just move on and eventually I would be able to show him that I was the one he loved and that he couldn’t live without me. Or that I would convince myself to let him go. Either way. She read it and realized I was dealing with the same pain she had experienced. In essence, *she* saved ME, because she found this blog.
Ex-husband’s boss (while we were married) read my blog where I implied that a “person” was a “bitch”… I was talking about his boss’s wife…….. She did the math and figured out who I was talking about (her!). Thankfully, it wasn’t irreparable damage to my ex-husband’s job. Truth be told. She was awful. rude. Snotty. treated my ex-husband and I like second-class poor citizens unworthy of her time. But… I was 19-20’ish and should have known better. But I didn’t. Imagine that?!
A blog entry that I wrote about living with a depressed spouse made it to the Associated Press….and has hundreds of thousands of hits in a month. #Winning
And sometimes this blog has been a great place of healing…
I blogged almost daily during the last two years after my divorce… and readers came here, read my blog every day, and often commented… and that kind of strength cannot be drawn any other way, but from complete and total public ‘dump’ of something that other humans can relate to.
And sometimes this blog has been a place of strength for other women learning their place in this world…
Women I know have read my blogs and been like “Yeah, we have been engaged for FIVE YEARS….WTF is that about!? Why don’t *I* have a say in when we get married?! I just wait around for HIM to be ready?! Eff this!”…. ok, so fine, maybe it caused some relationship distress?…but to me… it is progress for the “feminist condition”. Hahaha!
But all of that being said… people continue to ask… “Why do you blog?” “Does your family read it?” “Do they get upset that you talk about them???!” “How do you maintain privacy?!”
And the answer, to me, to them, is always… we are all connected in some way or another. We are connected to other humans by shared experiences. If you think that during my catastrophic FAILED relationships that I was not also reading other blogs…. (most notably Dating a Sociopath) and gaining strength from these other words and shared experiences…. You’re nuts. I needed them, and I would like to believe that they needed me, too.
If we all live in silence, then how do we ever ‘connect’ to other humans and learn from a collective of experiences? We don’t. We file off to therapy and think that ONE person’s words can heal us, fix us, redirect us…when what we really need is the collective of other humans just like us…”making it”, or not making it, out there in a world that is kind of designed to keep us in a tiny box. So, Without Sanity lives on… and will continue to live on. So long as I have people commenting and so long as I can review my stats and see that hundreds of people, real live people, not bots, are reading each week. I continue.