I don’t ‘wish’ for a lot…


I am finally at a place in my life where I recognize that I have a LOT to be grateful for… I don’t use the “#blessed” because that would imply I am giving credit to a higher power and the reality is — I am going to give credit to myself. I worked for this and I sought on something ‘better’ in times where all I could find was my own destitute loneliness and desperation.

That being said…I think in all of this, previous month, nonsense of “30 days of Thankful OMG!!!!!!”. Seriously, People? You have 335 other days to be thankful for things? Why wait until November? Nonsense. Your relationships and what not are falling apart in the other months and suddenly you are ‘thankful’ in November? No. Facebook doesn’t care that you’re suddenly posting about how thankful and #blessed you are in November. Get a grip and reconnect with the real world…

However — reading what people had to say really made me think… “What else could I possibly WANT for right now that was not monetary or materialistic? Because…who needs that shit?”

And it took a really – really long time…. but I came up with something…. (Which was why for our wedding we somewhat splurged on the photographer.)

I wish the people that I loved took as money photographs as I do.

The only thing I could possibly want for is the fact that I can’t seem to capture memories with my mind anymore… school…work… money… life… etc starts canceling out memories to make room for more information. I need the photos.

I remember looking at photos that people took of my grandmother, my grandparents, and various relatives, candid and in the moment… Smiling – laughing – or doing normal everyday life… showing these people in their apex of beauty and youth and I start to wonder if I will ever have those… because there is nobody else close enough to me to take those photos. I loved those pictures, those photos of these family members in their youth and in the moment. I *LOVED* them…

I think the only thing I can ‘want’ for that is not completely and totally selfish, considering I am very lucky and have lots of amazing people and things…is that candid photos of me are taken and given to my children at some point.

Photographs are really important to me – and maybe that isn’t selfish at all – but I hope that when my life flips over onto the downhill into the ‘golden years’ there are candid photos that someone else took that my children are saying “Wow, Mom was beautiful…” or …. “Grandma was gorgeous… and she seemed really really happy.” even if it is just flattery… they have to have something in their hands to look at while they ooze niceties.

I want that. I need that.

What do you still think that you need that isn’t so much material?

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