A lot has happened in a year…

I haven’t really been capable of writing in a year. I have been struggling to find something to say. Maybe a small part of me believes that it doesn’t matter, nobody is reading this silly thing anyway. Right? I had been steadily blogging for several years and met a lot of people through the blog, connected to people from all walks of life, gained new perspectives, received support from total strangers, and so on and so forth.

  • My father-in-law died unexpectedly in June of ’16.

Yeah. That happened just months after losing my grandfather in December of ’15. Drew’s Dad had not been in good health due to a short list of genetic heart conditions for years. I came into everyone’s little world closer to the end of it, but there was something strange that changed when Dad passed away. We had just spoken on the phone the Sunday night before he died. He was in the process of making a very big decision on a procedure that might give him a few years of like, as opposed to just a year to eighteen months that he was given – and we had just recently gone through a spat as a family (what family doesn’t?) and this was the first part in working through it. I am really glad that he and I talked. Fast forward to the day he passed; we were all attending a summer concert concert recital for a camp that they enrolled Girl Child in for Viola. We all left, I went back to work, they all went to lunch and Dad had a massive heart attack in front of Girl Child and my mother-in-law; I can only imagine the trauma of such an event. I have been “fortunate” enough to never be present during such an event in my grandfather’s many years. I don’t know that I am quite as strong as some of the other women in my family (my daughter and mother-in-law included) to be able to work through that kind of event. When we were sitting in the tiny room where the doctors place families who need to make tough decisions something pretty miraculous happened.  I quite enjoyed his company and his jokes and his acceptance of me – but most of all, the way I threw two kids that were not biologically his grandchildren into their lives and they just scooped them up and it made no difference that they weren’t “theirs”, they were indeed theirs. While losing Dad was not what anyone wanted, sometimes really beautiful things come out of loss…that great loss and immense tragedy gave me a newfound level of love for my husband; in an instant I saw my husband as a pillar of strength and someone with whom I didn’t need to keep up the ruse that I was the strong survivor who didn’t need anyone else. I had always felt like I needed to be the strong one to keep everyone together, most of my life. I have always loved and adored him, but we had not yet experienced a tragedy yet at that point; this was different. When we had made the decision to remove supports, Drew turned to me in this tiny room and said something to me (that I want to keep just for me) that made me love him even more than I ever had any of the days since we met prior. I wasn’t sure it was possible, but it definitely happened in that moment. Dad had helped to raise my husband to be an amazing husband, a great friend, a genuinely kind/good/generous/happy person, and a patient/involved/loving father – and for that, I will be forever grateful. After all, though we had no children between us biologically – we had the two that I brought into the relationship. I remember telling Dad before signing off on the phone the Sunday before he died, that I completely support whatever decision he wanted to make with regards to his health – but that Drew and I had just started trying to have a baby of our own and we wanted him to be around to meet the baby… He agreed. He died a week later…

And then this happened…


To be continued…


2 thoughts on “A lot has happened in a year…

  1. OMG! In our family it ususally goes that when a baby is born, someone else passes on. Our uncle died on April 1 and my daughter had twins on April 11 and so the trend goes for us. Congrats on the babies and know that grandpa is happy and healed and waiting for the day you all join him in a better world. For now, take care of yourself!!

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